ii see no future

Do u know how sick i was? no i dun tink he does.. he tot it was jus normal fever.. but im not feeling pain? somehow i duno how to feel.. it seems he's taking me for granted? or i actually need more than wad he can give me? i guess he cant give me wad i need.. yet someone out there will always give it to me.. no matter wad happens.. they'll never leave me in the lurch.. shower me with much care and concerns.. now even when i see him.. i dun feel anything.. i just feel wasted.. i dunno how to describe.. but those 8 mths tgt seems like its just for living the days... i wan someone who gives me a future i look forward to.. nt someone who makes me fear our future.. i duno how its gonna turn out to be for me n him next time.. now even my mum thinks tt he's useless.. often forgetting the things he promised to give me or her..change? i dun think so.. i've seen ppl who really changed for me.. but i cant see this time.. i duno how to talk to him.. cos i know he's only gonna misunderstand me further... really at a lost to wad i can do... y cant i have a happy birthday?