Gradually Falling Apart

i wasnt made to be perfect, but at least i learnt from so many previous failures that now im a better person for everything..The past was a learning experience, i pulled thru so much just to get better each day.. yet there are some ppl who pulls me down and made me feel worse..so much about understanding and not knowing each other well.. What has it gotta do with my past?? your past?? if past matters so much to the person loving you, then whats love for anyway? its to live, to love, to forgive and to forget. Why in a relationship ppl tend to use the terms I and YOU more often then WE, US, OUR.. its the togetherness that keeps love alive, but yet its forgotten..i wasnt once selfish in this r/s.. and i will never be unless i see the need to.. i admit i was selfish, self centered, unreasonable, bad tempered in my past r/s..but all that has changed, im a changed person.. and i couldnt even believe how calm i was when we quarrelled..everytime i wanted to flare up, i thought about his feelings, how will he react if i reacted the same way i did years ago..it would be throwing of chairs and tables, punching whatever i can find, kicking dustbins and smashing things ard and even hurling all sorts of words towards him.. i dint.. i kept my cool even thou how much it hurts..and i really wonder who knows the changes i've made. it seems ppl only notices my flaws..but nt my improvements.

23rd december! st james Power house.. celebrating sheena's Bday,, had an enjoyable night despite the fight...

i cant seem to let my heart settle down. Why is it so .. i dun wanna be unfaithful at all.. it seems i have returned to my old ways...im still lying and neglecting my R/S.. i wanna change for someone but it seems so hard to ..i wanna have everything without having to let go of even one..im being greedy but yet i cant stop.. hopefully someone can make the change in me..

photos

What can i say?

Baoyun and me at toot's Bday

Toot Shirley Xiiaoniu

Bong Xiiaoniu

Shirley Xiiaoniu

oh well.. just another year end is approaching. Having lost the most impt person in my life just years ago.. i kinda got numb to all the goodbyes from ppl in my life..Boys, they just come and go. yet none could leave a deep impression so much that i couldnt live without him..i could sense his hesitance to change to be with me.. yet i held on.. knowing i might make a change in his life again..Getting into fights isnt what his parents made him out to be, but thats just what he might have felt happy with..besides, there's no more ME to be by him giving him words of advises and reprimands..Looking back, i cant stop thinking, if me and K were still together i bet we've already been loving for 5 years..silly mistake of mine 2 years ago caused so much misery to the both of us..And negligence of H's caused us misery again. why cant human stop erring and just be contented and learn to cherish their loved ones before its too late? If we're still happily together. we might've ROMed.. and who knows few years down the road when our career's on the right path we would've been married with kids.. All the ifs seems so silly now..

Nevertheless. another chapter of life starts.. J steps into my life.. my materialistic life.. all i thought of was money money and money..i did make sacrifices for him.. and i believe so did he..we were such different couples.. we each led our own live loving each other and meeting only when we could find the time to..we kept very much to ourselves unlike those loving couples who whispers sweet nothings to each other or throw ourselves with hugs and kisses..considered we are very realistic couple..J's got his own group of friends and i had mine..so much freedom it feels so distant and far..His sweetness are hardly shown but in his heart i know..Sadly to say my bf's a block of wood.. he doesnt know how to express his love well.. much less his affections..i guess this is the time i should really try to get used to not being pampered like a lil princess..

Been really really tired working and working these recent months.. havent been able to take a good rest since i started with benefit.. been OTing everyday till my health complains. Down with gastricitis recently due to stress and overwork.. Plus my night job at the MASKA, im really ready to collapse anytime soon..it really sucks to be independant.. Mum's relying on me for house utility bills and phone bills..damn..wished i could do with some help out there..

Disheartend..

I guess i gotta give us up.. we just aint meant to be.. too immature.. i cant take those nonsense and irrelevant reasons ..boy grow up.. i dun think u even know how to love me right.. u dun even treat me as ur gf.. throw me to cross the road alone.. wake me up by hitting my feet.. all u do is threaten.. all those little little things tt may seem insignificant to u, i take it to heart .. everythings u did to show wad's my worth to u has made me reach the verdict even earlier den expected.. so many times of quarrellin dint enlighten u.. means tts the way u r.. and its nt gonna change forever.. i leaving this behind me.. a past chapter of my life.. i wont quarrell with u anymore.. i will just keep quiet and take my leave slowly.. cos arguing doesnt help.. all u will say is im blaming u.. now just take it as its just my problem.. im tired of it... ur impatience ... i hate it..

Happy As Can Be

Everyday im enjoyin my day at work.. Just doing everything i can to fulfill my duties at work .. having fun with all my colleagues.. never once imagined i could actually enjoy work this much..Now im a certified brow artist.. well.. gotta be moving to sephora ION soon with our cute lil mandy.. hopefully sales there would be good too..