Back In Reality

Its been ages since i last updated my blog!
Many things have changed, totally stopped contacting H.
He's a total pussy.Well, life has been quite nice after i've gotten Joel..
i love him, tts the most important thing. Eversince he came into my life
i let go totally of all my past.. including K and H..K's my good friend now.
Though joel's temper's as horrible as mine, i have learnt to give and take
i controlled mine temper, he hasnt seen me at my worst.thanks god for tt.
His attitude sucks to the max, its just took me some mths to get used to it
Still. i really hate it when he speaks in monotone or just some fucked up tone.
In the beginning, everything has to be so spelled out. It doesnt feel like love at all
its like we are following a contract. We have to tell each other what to do and what not to do, what we hate, no guessing, no mutual understanding at all.
Im glad nw just got better. At least for nw when he throws his temper im cool.
i can say we are damn extreme, we can be super sweet, and even the slightest thing could make us seem like enemies. Honestly i hate this kinda feelings in a r/s.
There was so many times i felt like giving up on us.. The time when he hit me. i forgave him, ask me why?.. i dunno..Maybe it was my fault.i fed him those pills.
i dint know how he'd react, he wasnt strong willed enough to control it.
It pains me even more when he said i was the first girl he ever hit,It made me feel like shit.He wanted to leave. but i held on.. i felt stupid. but i just did..i keep believing he could be the one for me.. one i can learn frm and learn nt to be like him..i was too overbearing in the past.. nw is my turn to learn how to respect each other as a couple..I know at times he was rather rude to my mum, i was angry.. but i just forget it.. if we're meant to be.. we will be.. if everything goes wrong and i feel it isnt right.. i will end it myself..i know Bong has been encouraging me to end it eversince the day he hit me.. yes he was super selfish. he cared for no one except himself. everything he does is full of himself.this is him, its nvr gonna change..no excuse tt he's the only child.Bong is also one..No doubt he needs to learn to be considerate and not be so selfish..every little actions and events tts happens between the both of us, i took it to heart.. i rmb every details.. it all builds up to conclusions..Im keeping these to myself..i dun wan him to feel like shit..
Nobody's perfect, if i can change for my love.. i believe he can too. no matter who looks down on him, i will support him.. i will be there to catch him when he falls and bring him right back to his feet again..Tts the least i can do for my love..
i wished he can be there for me always too..its always dependant on his mood..
many times i cried alone, with no embrace no care and no console..just so cold..
i wished all tts bad about will change in time.. im waiting..